He'll be a scar now, I'll still let him bleed all over me
by Armitages
Summary: Thilbo mpreg. Bilbo is pregnant but something goes wrong and his baby is born dead. Thorin is always there trying to make him feel better. AU modern. (Sorry for my bad english)
1. Chapter 1

Bilbo still keeps all the little clothes guarded. Sometimes I caught him up watching them and with a smirk on his face, but then, in a matter of seconds, I think he realizes what has happened, and that smile soon turns into a waterfall of tears, and then I'm there to hold him and say that it'll be fine. When even I do not believe it.

It happened a month ago.

_- Thorin, I think there's something wrong. – Bilbo said as he ran his hand over his belly._

_- What is it? - I asked worried._

_- I do not know, but .. It hurts a lot. I am afraid. - I pulled him into my arms and ran my hands through his hair._

_- Hey, it's okay, it'll be fine. Come, let's go to the hospital._

_When we got to the hospital, Bilbo leaned on me so he could better balance, since the stomach was weighed, and the pain was almost unbearable._

_We were attended quickly by Dr. Henderson, who led Bilbo into a room, and I couldn't enter. I had to wait outside, and it made me mad, because it was my husband and son who was there. It was my family and I needed to know what was happening. But I decided to calm down, I sit down and waited for news. _

_I sat in the chair for what seemed like days, and I was getting quite impatient until I saw the doctor coming towards me._

_- What happened? Is Bilbo okay? And the baby?_

_- Easy, boy. - He said and sighed. - I need you to be strong, okay? For your husband._

_- What are you talking about? - I started sweating._

_- Turns out .. It was very sudden. We were examining him and all seemed fine, until his water broke. So we had to make the birth as soon as possible, because he was also losing blood. Well, Mr. Durin, as I said at the beginning of the pregnancy, It was a high-risk pregnancy and he was lucky to have gotten to the seventh month. We had to make a quick cesarean section and when we removed the baby, He.. He only managed a sigh before he died. But, if that comforts you a bit, Bilbo will soon recover. - The doctor ended up giving me a sad look._

_I just collapsed. I fell to my knees in the middle of the hospital and could not stop the tears that was falling down on my face. My God! My son was dead and I didn't even been able to meet him. But.. what about Bilbo? Does he already knew? And how he was dealing with all this? I needed to see him._

_- Can.. Can I see my husband now? - I asked wiping the tears._

_- Yes, of course. Follow me, please._

_I followed the doctor until Bilbo's room. The doctor stopped at the door and let me alone. I think he knew we needed to be alone._

_When I entered the room, Bilbo was there, his eyes completely bloodshot and sobbing. Then I went up to him and hugged him tight._

_- Shh, easy now, my love. It's alright. - I said as I passed my hands through his hair. I wish I had that whole belief in what I had just said._

_- Thorin.. Our baby. Our Anthony.. He.. He.. - Bilbo could not finish the sentence because it was cut off by a sob of his own, followed by several more tears._

_Seeing that scene, I couldn't stand anymore and let my tears come out again. I remember we wanted that baby so much._

I sighed remembering the incident.

30 days and looked like it had been yesterday.

- Love? - I said coming into our room.

Bilbo was lying in bed playing with his cell phone.

- Hi, honey. - He answered me. I was happy to see that his eyes were not red.

I smiled and went to the bed giving a kiss on his forehead. He laughed a little and hugged me.

- I missed you. How was it? - He asked me.

- I missed you too. - I said giving him another kiss, but this time on the lips. - It was okay. Peter said I can stay at home with you until you're better.

- This is great. - He said with a sigh.

- Hey, what was that?

- It was nothing. I just remembered Tony suddenly. I tried to distract myself all day. I go out with Ori to buy some clothes, and everything seemed fine. But now, I don't know, I just remembered him..

I sighed and ran my hand across his face.

- You know, when he was born, I could see him for a few seconds, but they don't let me hold him. - He suddenly looked at me and continued. - You didn't see him.

- No, I didn't.. See, it's hard for me too.

- He was beautiful. - Bilbo said with a smile.

- I bet he was. - I said when I saw his smile fade.


	2. Chapter 2

It's been two months since the incident.

Bilbo still wake up with nightmares at night. And I, of course, I'm always there to hold him in my arms. I run my hands through his hair and sing a song for him. That same song every night. I remember of singing this song in our wedding. It was humiliating, I laugh whenever I remember the scene. But it was for him and that is enough. And now is the only thing that seems to calm him.

_I may not have the softest touch_

_I may not say the words to such_

_And though I may not look like much_

_I'm yours_

I always feel his little hands grabbing my shirt stronger, as if he wanted to make sure I was still there. That I was still his. That he still had something. It breaks my heart to see him like that. Since we lost our little prince, Bilbo thinks he might lose me too at any moment, and I can't understand why he thinks that. Or maybe I can, because sometimes I have the same feeling, but I always pull away those feelings, because I need to be strong for my little one.

_And though my edges may be rough_

_And never feel I'm quite enough_

_It may not seem like very much_

_But I'm yours_

And when I finish the song and look down, my little angel is already sleeping and this somehow brings me peace. I held his tiny wrist and saw that some marks is still there. I sighed and put a kiss on his forehead.

Those marks reminded me of a scene that I hope to forget someday.

_- Bilbo? Honey? You're home? - I asked as I walked through the door._

_I was out with Kili and Fili to buy a gift for Bilbo because I wanted to do something different for him. Dunno, try to make him a smile a little. I asked the boys to go with me because they always know the best gifts to give and they immediately accepted._

_I didn't heard any response and found it strange. So I decided to go to our room, maybe he was already sleeping._

_When I was going up the stairs, I heard a strange noise, as if something had been broken. My body froze. I ran at upstairs._

_I get to our room and called his name again. No answer again. So I realized that the bathroom door was closed._

_- Bilbo? Love? Are you in there? - I asked._

_The only answer I received was a groan. A groan of pain before I heard something like a glass falling in the floor._

_- Bilbo! Bilbo open the door, NOW! - I said knocking on the door loudly. - Damn! Open now! Bilbo, I swear to God, if you are.. - I did not finish the sentence, not wanting to even believe in what passed through my mind._

_Suddenly the door opened and I realized my husband was in my arms. His face full of tears. But the worse: his arm was all in blood. When I looked into the bathroom, I saw broken glass (probably the mirror) and blood stains._

_- No, no .. - I said as I pressed him on me. - Why you did this, love? Why?_

_- I'm sorry .. I'm sorry, Thorin. - He said crying._

_I took care of his wounds, changed his clothes soiled with blood and put him on bed. I hugged him and ran my hand through his hair and his face until he fell asleep. It was painful that even sleeping, he was still sobbing._

_We would need to talk about it tomorrow._

But no, we did not talk about it. I am so coward. I didn't want to force him to talk about that, but I knew I needed. It had been a week since the incident with the cuts, and now I never leave him alone.

I know It was being hard for him, but .. But it was hard for me too. But I had to stay strong. For him. Even though I'm totally broken inside because I lost my child and I have to see my husband destroying himself more every day. But the worst .. The worst thing was not being able to do absolutely anything. As much as I tried. Bilbo's pain seemed to never go.

And neither mine.


	3. Chapter 3

Today I spent basically the whole day in bed with my beloved. It's been three months since the death of our baby and three weeks since Bilbo hurted himself.

I started to see an progress in his condition. Bilbo is always surrounded by our friends and makes me feel better to know that they will help me with not letting him being alone. Not that I do not trust my husband. He promised me he would not do that anymore.

_- Hey, look at me. - I said, holding his chin and forcing him to look into my eyes. - I just want to make sure that you will not get hurt again._

_- I know .. - He replied looking away. - But you don't need to stay the whole time watching me._

_- Please, just try to understand me. - I pulled him into a hug. - It was hard for me seeing you in that way. Please, promise me you will not do that again._

_- I promise. - He said hugging me back._

It's just a precaution.

- Honey, Thranduil called us to have lunch at his house tomorrow. - Bilbo said as he kissed my chin. - We are going, right?

- You want to go? - I asked and saw him nodding. - Then we're going.

He smiled. And suddenly my heart was filled with happiness. That smile. How I missed that smile.

I ran my hand over his face and kissed him. I felt his hands running through my hair as I pressed his body on mine. When we stopped the kiss, I started to kiss all over his neck.

He shivered and I smiled.

We made love all night. I explored every little piece of him. I ran my hands in his thighs as I felt his fingers squeezing my shoulders and occasionally scratching my back. I missed his warmth. I missed being inside of him. It had been so long since the last time we had a contact so intimate and tonight seemed endless. I couldn't get enough. I couldn't take my hands of his body. I just wanted to keeping taking him for hours and hours.

When I woke up in the morning, I looked by my side and saw my husband still asleep. I smiled at the view. His hair was all messy and his face was serene. The blanket was covering only up to the waist. I saw his thighs full of bite and I gave a low laugh.

- Honey, wake up. - I said as I hugged him and gave little kisses on his face. - It's late and we need to get dressed, remember?

He looked at me and mumbled something that I didn't understand and closed his eyes again.

- Okay, I just thought you wanted to go to Thranduil's house today. - I said laughing.

- I want to go, but I also want to sleep and I'm not sure what to choose. - He said whimpering.

- So how about we have lunch at his house and then we come home and spend the whole day in bed? Sounds good to you? - I said, putting my chin leaning on his waist.

- Yup. - He said running his hand through my hair.

When we arrived at Thranduil's house Bilbo gave his friend a big hug.

- Hi, Thrandy! I missed you. - I won't say I didn't get jealous, but a few years ago I promised Bilbo that Thranduil and I would try to.. not fight so much.

- I missed you too, Bill. - The other man replied. - Hi Thorin.

- Hi.

The lunch went well. Despite our past disagreements. Thranduil cared a lot about Bilbo and with all that had happened I think he had also noticed that the last thing Bilbo needed was we fighting over silly things.

We went home after a couple hours and spent the rest of the day in bed. Everything was going perfectly fine until a week later Bilbo was very ill and I decided to take him to the hospital.

_'' - Congratulations, you're pregnant. ''_

The doctor's words still in my head. We returned home in silence, Bilbo kept looking out the car window with a mortified expression.

We arrived at our house, and he quickly went to our room. I found odd his attitude, because I thought he'd be happy with the news. Of course I understood that he was afraid. I was afraid too.

When I got our room, he was sitting on our bed with his knees drawn up to his chest and he had tears in his eyes.

- Baby, what's going on? - I asked climbing into bed and pulling him in my arms.

- Thor.. Thorin, I don't .. I don't want this. - He said and I was confused by his words.

- What are you talking about, love?

- I don't want this. - He said looking at his belly. - Not anymore. Not again.

I sighed and ran my hands through his hair as he cried on my shoulder.


End file.
